please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize