dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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