so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
