Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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