when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
