i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
