dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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