Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
