Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
