Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
