If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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