It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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