so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
