I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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