I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
