the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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