what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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