Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
