You just made me feel so damn special
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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