He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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