I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
