I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and she was petting her beer can
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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