Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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