I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
