Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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