i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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