i need an iv and a liver transplant
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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