I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
