living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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