Got a toothbrush?
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
