then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship