I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
