Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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