At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
only if we run a train.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.