he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
