oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
