were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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