Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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