we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize