you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
