I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
