And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
