When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
