Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
