Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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