She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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