i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
