This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
