if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
