If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
