I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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