he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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