What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
