I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
