gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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