I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
