i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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