I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
