My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
