he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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